I'll get back to my story about coming out to the folks shortly, but for now, I wanted to leave you with my fantasy guy of the day. I came across him while searching for some photos for a friend's new blog, and although he isn't right for my friend's site, he's perfect for Urban Insanity!
Coming Out: The Parents, The Final Chapter
It's been too many years in the making. But I knew that, one day, it would happen . . .
I first started experimenting with guys in my early 20's, and back then, I never imagined that the day would come that I'd have that painful, yet incredibly liberating conversation with my parents about my sexuality.
I've blogged about it for years. In fact, to really appreciate this story, you should start from the beginning, here. I've stressed about it, lost night after night of sleep, weighed the pros and cons and thought through every possible scenario until my brain cried 'enough.'
But in the end, it just sorta happened.
I tried to do it over Mother's Day weekend last year. I bought a last minute ticket home, sat through my cousin's boring graduation, and ended up wussing out, despite the fact that I promised myself, my friends, and my boyfriend that I was going to come out. Of course it wasn't the "best timing" for coming out, as my grandfather had died a few months earlier, but the "bad timing" excuse was starting to wear thin . . . I flew back to Dallas, completely disgusted with myself and embarrassed.
A few months later, my family's annual 4th of July party drew me back home.
I promised myself that it would happen this time . . . the endless questions about my "dating life," or lack thereof, in my parents' eyes, were driving me nuts. And I'd been in a relationship for six months by then . . . it was only fair to my boyfriend that I start making steps towards introducing him to the family.
So I flew to the midwest on July 1.
As usual, I was swamped with legal work, and took a laptop and box of files home with me.
I knew that the 'coming out experience' would drain everything out of me, and would completely rock my world and the world of my parents. And it would throw off any job-related focus that I hoped to have. So I delayed having that dreadful conversation until I finished my project.
And then the time came.
My project completed, I had no more excuses, no more justifiable reasons to delay that talk that had been building up for years.
It was July 3, 2009.
My parents and I, in preparation for the big family gathering on the 4th, had spent most of the morning shopping. After lunch we drove back to the lake house, unloaded the SUV, and unpacked the 50+ bags of food.
I made us 3 very strong drinks and asked my parents to join me on the back porch.
"Isn't it early?" My mom asked.
"It's after noon," I replied, "So we're good!"
My parents met me on the back patio. They sat together on a porch swing, facing the lake. I sat across from them in a rocking chair, facing the house. My mother's sunglasses were dark, large and dark, shielding her eyes.
They were relaxed and happy.
"So, we want to know who you're dating," my Dad said.
Nervous as hell, I dodged the question.
But my dad didn't let me avoid it. I knew I couldn't dodge the topic any longer. I couldn't go back to Dallas a failure.
It was time.
"Are there any girls in the picture? Just tell us if you've had any dates? Even one date?"
My mom sat silently, sipping her cocktail.
"Well," I started, a lump in my throat, my heart racing, "this is something that I wanted to talk with you about for a long time now . . ."
I had never, in my life, been so nervous and unsure of myself
More to follow . . .
Proposition 8
Unless you've been living in a cave, you've heard all about California's Proposition 8.
For those international readers, Proposition 8 was a California ballot proposition that changed the state Constitution to restrict the definition of marriage to a "union between a man and a woman" and eliminated the right of same-sex couples to marry. The proposition did not affect domestic partnerships in California.
Recently, I read through an article about how the Morman church is raising millions of dollars for a new NATIONAL campaign against gay marriage.
A reader left this comment, which I thought was really on point:
"OK, this may sound strange to some. The best thing that could have happened to us was the passage of prop 8."
"To me Prop 8 has never really been about gay marriage, its been about gay rights, equality and bigotry."
"The passage of Prop 8 and the other 3 anti gay measures in other states brought the real issues out of the shadows and into the foreground."
"Gay issues were off the radar of most human rights, civil rights and progressive activists... no longer. The day after the election people who were never engaged in any gay causes talked openly about how the biggest disappointment on an otherwise glorious night was the treatment of the gay community."
"The churches were brought out of the shadows, called on their hate and identified for the illegal influence they have been enjoying unchecked on the political process. Now that they have been identified... they can be and have been taken on."
"The youth has had the issue reframed for them and been shown how this like other issues is a generational thing where the old people with completely outdated world views are desperately trying to impose that world view on their generation who knows better."
"Finally the passage of prop 8 has brought together the gay community. Its set the table for the gay community to connect with other activists and to heal divides with other communities by recognizing the similarities of their causes."
"Gay marriage hasn't been in question for years. We know it will be legal in the very near future... when the youth start calling more of the shots and the voice of the older generations becomes less relevant."
BOB's Sex Trip #4
This is the fourth posting is the series of sex tips from my sexually uninhibited friend, BOB. Please feel free to email me or to post questions in the comments section.
No matter how basic, outrageous, or graphic your question may be, BOB will answer it. Over the last few months, as I took time off from blogging to work on my book, several questions heated up my inbox, so I'm going to turn the blog over to BOB to address a couple of these sexual needs.
Question #1 (from John): Being a bottom, what can I do to enhance my solo jerk off sessions.
BOB's Response: To plug, or not to plug. That is the question.
I recently celebrated another birthday, and with that came a barrage of sexual-flavored gifts. The one that really tempted my fancy was something I'd never experienced before . . . a butt plug.
For those of you who do not know what this looks like, it's almost like a large arrowhead with a handle. Many of you would think that with my vast sexual conquests, that I've had some type of history with such a toy, but in reality, my double-headed dildo has kept me company for some time now.
As I quickly drove home from the birthday dinner, my mind raced to uncover what the benefit of such a toy was. After ripping open my package and grabbing my favorite lube, I decided to jump in butt first. Ha Ha!
Being a fan of the dildo, I at first thought to use the plug in the same fashion by f*cking myself with it, but quickly learned that this was not something you'd want being pulled in and out of a tight ass.
I eventually figured out that the most pleasure from the plug came from leaving it in while jerking off.
I can't describe to you exactly how much it turned me on, but let's just say that on my first session with the plug, my man juice hit the headboard of my bed.
I urge you all to go out there an plug away!
Question #2 (from Cesar): I'm heading to Dallas on a business trip, and have always had a fantasy of being with multiple men at one time. Have you had an experience like that, and where would I find guys like this in Dallas?
BOB's Response: Although I do admit to being with multiple partners at one time, I can't say that I've been with more than 2 at any one time. In Dallas, at least, you don't have to look far to find couples to get with - just look at Urban Insanity's post about open relationships.
Besides going out to the bars to find a couple, you can get online on Manhunt.net, Craig's List, and possibly Gay.com.
I recommend Manhunt for the quickest results. More to follow . . . I'm heading off to plug it.
The Future of Urban Insanity - Screw the Gossip
Apparently, D ("Dallas") Magazine and the Dallas Voice, a popular newspaper in the Oak Lawn community, picked up on my dilemma regarding whether or not to shut down the blog. See my entry on this topic here.
The buzz generated by these two publications hasn't been outrageous or anything - I mean, let's face it, I'm not Britney or Paris, thank goodness.
But I did get more hits on here in one day than ever before. It concerned me a little that some of the individuals who commented on their stories vowed to uncover my identity.
My first thought was that I needed to shut this website down entirely.
But over the last few days, I took the time to read back through my entries, all the way from April 2007 to now. Significantly, I also read through the emails and comments left by readers - yes, I saved all of them (unless a reader specifically asked me to delete an email).
My conclusion is this: Urban Insanity has been a necessary outlet for me. Through writing, and through reading constructive emails and comments and sometimes even mean ones, I've developed as a person and as a gay man. Through Urban Insanity, I was able to say goodbye to my amazing grandmother, who passed away nearly two years ago. Through writing, I taught myself to understand the depression and religious struggles that I endured, and I've found support when I desperately needed it on my journey to "come out" to family and friends.
Reading through the emails reminded me just how many of you are struggling with some of the same dilemmas that I faced, that I am still facing. I am humbled and honored if these posts have helped you in even the smallest way, and please know that even if I don't respond to every email I receive, I always read them.
By putting my life up here in cyberspace, and by being reckless and letting my identity be discovered through other online mishaps, I pretty much asked for my life to be an open book.
You know what, though? I don't think that my life is all that bad.
If people are going to judge, let them judge. They are probably not the kind of guys I want to associate with anyway.
Screw the gay ass gossip.
I will not tone Urban Insanity down into some Disneyland site.
Nor will I stop writing.
Open Relationships
In the gay world, many people subscribe to the theory that open relationships are the way to go.
This is a concept virtually unheard of in straight land. But in our culture, hearing that someone is in an open relationship seems as common as hearing that someone had their car tuned up or spent too much cash at the mall.
My very first gay relationship, a two-year rollercoaster, was an open one.
I was 24. "Mike" was 30.
Mike and I were totally closeted, and we lived several hundred miles apart. I was in the military, and he lived in a small town. Consequently, we both thought it was ideal to have flexible "rules" such as having a girlfriend on the side and getting a kitchen pass to make out with boys at gay clubs when we were apart.
Depending on how strong our relationship was at any given point, the rules morphed. At the most extreme level, if Mike wasn't in town, I could take someone home and let him give me oral sex, but I couldn't return the favor.
Mike, of course, could do the same in his town.
Our individual wanderings led to numerous fights and hard feelings. I remember being infuriated when Mike had sex with his side-girlfriend for the first time. I felt like I'd been cheated on.
There are at least a dozen more that are not worth going into.
When we were together, we were monogamous.
With two exceptions. Twice, Mike and I brought third parties into our bedroom to mess around. I ended up freaking out and stopping both times about half-way through, usually because of jealousy.
Our relationship ended disastrously when I started grad school because I ultimately broke the rules in the worst kind of way.
Granted, I was 26 and a complete mess, but it was still hard on him, and on me.
Since that time, I've messed around with guys who turned out to be in relationships with others. Normally, these guys have "understandings" with their partners about random hookups, much like the one that Mike and I had.
Other guys will cheat, and their partners, determined to make the relationships work, turn blind eyes despite whatever they might be feeling inside.
It seems like many gay relationships start off like my relationship with Mike - we were completely monogamous for a year. But at some point, the physical distance between us spurred us to discuss the "rules."
Not all open relationships become "open" because of physical distance though. Some stem from the fact that both partners are "tops" or "bottoms." My guess is that physical attraction between partners is also a factor, especially in couples who've been together for a long time. In fact, I personally know a gay couple in my neighborhood who are in a happy, loving relationship that is also open. When I asked how they make such a relationship work, they explained that it's important to have firm rules - their rules are (1) they must be together when they mess around with randoms, and (2) the hookups must happen in other cities, when they're on trips. This couple has been together almost 18 years now, long by any standards, but especially for the gay community.
Since Mike, I have never again entertained the thought of entering into an open relationship with someone.
I know that I'm too much of a jealous person to make such a partnership work.
For others, though, this seems like the way to go.
And hell, my longest relationship (the one with Mike) was one!
Coming Out: The Parents, Part III
If you have not read Parts I and II, click here.
Wow, it's been almost three years since I accepted the fact that I was gay. And it's been a year and a half since I vowed to tell my folks.
The "conversation" still hasn't happened.
Why, you ask?
The short answer is because the whole idea terrifies me, and I haven't had the balls yet to do it.
The long answer is that it's been easy to put off. My little sister's job has taken her all over the country, and now the world, and my parents have been distracted with her. My folks also spent the last year building and designing a wonderful lake house, which they plan to retire in sometime in the next five years.
While the lake house project was a welcome distraction before, it has now turned into the bane of my closeted existence. I think the extra three bedrooms in the house coupled with the oversized dining table has made them yearn to fill the extra spaces with grandkids.
As the oldest child, they are ready for me to get married, and with my 30...something'th birthday rolling around in a few very short weeks, they are putting more pressure on me than ever before.
Consequently, every phone conversation turns to "my social life."
Sadly, I've come to dread talking to them on the phone.
Our conversations are short and almost business-like. I avoid the topic of dating by throwing out other topics before they can even bring it up.
And I think my evasiveness has built an invisible wall between us.
I hate the whole situation.
Growing up, I was close to them. My relationship with them was even strong when I was dating girls, despite the fact that I was lying to them and to myself.
I miss that bond that my parents and I had, but I don't think I can get that bond back unless I'm honest with them, regardless of the consequences.
I leave for home on December 20. This time, the conversation will happen.
The Future of Urban Insanity
I have an issue that I need to discuss with you.
Because of my own indiscretion, a dozen or so gays in Dallas now know who I am, and some of them now pull up this site occasionally.
That means that I can never again be completely honest and forthright on this blog.
Things I want to discuss or throw out there into the cyber universe for comments are no longer anonymous, and my reputation as a professional and as a gay man are now subject to scrutiny by acquaintances based upon the ramblings in my cyber diary.
Many of us have "hookups," and judging from what I've seen here in Dallas over the last 2 years, I am not the biggest slut on the strip.
But I am also no cherub.
However, by memorializing a great story like my trip to Denver on here, people make judgments.
I never cared about stuff like that when I was anonymous. And I'm really not concerned about how people view me in Dallas from a social standpoint.
But my reputation as an attorney isimportant to me, and often, people can't separate social actions from professional ones.
Consequently, I have three options that I'm weighing in my mind right now:
1 - Stop writing online for good. I never thought that this would be an option for me. Writing is my passion, and sharing my stories on here has been so incredibly helpful to my development as a gay man. Recently, however, I've found passion in fiction writing. I have an idea for a short story and for a serial killer novel. As soon as I finish my latest book, I can easily move onto those ideas and fulfill my passion through fiction. I'm seriously thinking about this option.
2 - Take down Urban Insanity and start a new blog that is truly anonymous. I don't really like this idea, as I've put a lot of work into this site, and can't imagine starting over from scratch. This probably won't happen, but I'm not going to rule it out just yet.
3 - Keep Urban Insanity PG-rated, at least until the people who know me lose interest. This might be the best option. Hell, my social life lately hasn't been all that exciting anyway. I'm going to consider this as well.
What do you guys think?
This is my own fault for allowing people to find out about the site, and I have no problem taking it down, but is that too extreme?
Cheyenne Bound
Before you read this entry, check out Denver & Cheyenne.
The 24-year-old turned out to be just as handsome as he appeared in his photos. Tall, handsome, jockish, and a little cocky.
A total disaster to date, but perfect for a one weekend fling!
He met me at Hamburger Mary's - a super cool place! - for a couple of drinks, and then we grabbed dinner at a dive sports bar in the straighter, eclectic area around Colfax Ave. I kicked his ass in Scrabble at a second dive bar, and then he invited me to join he and his cousin at the Timberland concert at the Ogden Theater, a cool old theater also on Colfax Ave.
We left the concert early to hit up JR's, which, per capita, had cuter guys than the Dallas JR's.
I wasn't really in the mood to be at a gay bar, and neither was he, so we only stayed for a few minutes.
By midnight, we were in his small apartment messing around.
We started off on his couch, where he removed his orange ball cap and leaned over longingly.
His strong hands grabbed my biceps, until his right hand cupped the small of my back, taking me by surprise.
I ran my hands down his faded jean-clad thighs, letting them graze lightly across his throbbing groin, drawing a sigh.
He was a hard kisser, almost painfully so, but I was intoxicated enough not to mind. He was playful, in his cocky, just-out-of-college kinda way.
We helped each other undress, or mouths hardly parting.
Not surprisingly, his plumbing was just as nice as his face and body. He led me back to his bedroom, where sporting equipment and piles of dirty clothes battled for precious floor space.
Luckily, his bed was debris free.
Four hours of sleep later, I went back to my hotel, de-skanked, and spent the rest of this morning working on my book.
I have to change out the piss-smelling rental van for, hopefully, something much nicer, and then I'm heading up to Cheyenne.
There, I'll get to catch up with several friends who I haven't seen in almost two years. I'm looking forward to it!
But I'm sad to leave Denver.
I just got here, and putting the hookup aside, I'm really enthralled with the cleanliness and outdoorsy culture of this city. And everything is so affordable! I only spent $50 last night - if I'd had the same kind of night in Dallas, it would've been around $150 or so.
I will most certainly come back here, and if I ever decide to change jobs and leave Dallas, Denver will be high in my consideration.
Denver & Cheyenne
Wow, it's been a LONG time since I've written.
For those of you who have been reading Urban Insanity for a while, you know that my #1 hobby is fiction writing. I've been neglecting the blog because I'm wrapping up my 2nd novel, a coming-of-age book about two high school boys, one, a popular, closeted jock, and the other, a repressed, openly-gay kid. Through their high school struggles, they both must make choices that change their lives forever. When the book is finished, and if I'm fortunate enough to have it picked up for publication, I'll tell you more about it. I'm about a month away from finishing it!
But for now, please know that I haven't given up on the blog - it has just taken a back seat to my novel writing aspirations. When I finally catch Urban Insanity up with my life, I'll have dozens of posts to write.
This weekend, I'm traveling to Cheyenne, WY for a good friend's wedding. Due to some crazy travel circumstances, I'm in Denver right now, and will be here for the night. I'm writing this update from Caribou Coffee on 18th Ave in downtown.
I flew in this morning at 9:00 a.m. after only about 4 hours of sleep. Since I'm traveling "on the cheap" because work isn't paying, I signed up for the least expensive rental car.
I ended up with a blue mini-van that smells like piss.
I'm not kidding. It's the closest I'll ever get to being called a "Soccer Dad." Haha.
Two days ago, when I found out that I'd be spending Friday night in Denver, I got onto www.gay.com and www.connexion.org to get some tips from the local gays on what to do and where to go.
I met a super cute 24-year-old (shut up) on Connexion who is meeting me for dinner and wants to show me what night life Denver has to offer. He's tall, blond, muscular, and looks like an old fraternity brother of mine. From the looks of his photos, I'd say he's an 8.5 or 9 out of 10 on the hotness scale, but of course, that rating could change when we meet in person.
We will probably end up at JR's, at least for a couple of beers. However, as this is my first trip to Denver, and because I'm only here for a night, I don't want to spend the entire time in the gayborhood. I am looking forward to walking around this pristine and very pedestrian-friendly downtown - I'll definitely do the tourist stuff, like making a visit to the capital building and hitting up the 16th Street Mall. But I'd also like to find a quiet place in Writer's Square to hammer out a chapter or two of my book and observe the locals.
If you're ever here for business in downtown, I highly recommend the Rocky Mountain Diner across from the federal courthouse on 18th. I just had lunch there - very "Denver" from what I've been told, and LOTS of cute guys in suits walking around. The meatloaf was awesome!
Tomorrow, I leave Denver for the higher plains and cowboys of Cheyenne. I'll be there until Monday, when I drive over to Laramie, WY to meet an old colleague who is now at the U of Wyoming, teaching.
Laramie is where Matthew Sheppard was tortured and left to die many years ago. I've heard that Laramie has changed for the better in the last few years - I'll let you know what my impression is.
On Monday night, I fly back to Dallas.
But for now, it's way too nice of a day to be inside on my laptop, so I'm gonna hit the pavement.
Keep your fingers crossed for me regarding the 24 year-old.
:-)
Beijing Olympics or the Cover of a Gay Romance Novel?
I found this at Towle Road: German gymnast Fabien Hambuechen and American Jonathan Horton share a moment during the horizontal bar apparatus finals. They won bronze and silver, respectively.
David Wright - NY Mets Hunk
Thank you to my friend Brian for sending me these photos. I'm not a baseball fan, but may just have to tune in to watch a Mets game or two. David Wright is an All Star Third Baseman for the team, and was born on December 20, 1982. He is reported to be dating model Molly Beers.
The Three Month Siesta - Part II
I took a super long time off from writing with good reason. Earlier this month, I wrote about the relationship that I couldn't maintain, no matter how hard I tried. Turns out that I like masculine guys, and no matter how amazing some of our more feminine brethren are, I just can't make a relationship happen with them. Live and learn.
But regarding my siesta from writing, perhaps even more telling was my drama at work.
Statistically, most young attorneys hate their jobs.
They don't "dislike" it. Oh, no. They absolutely hate it. It takes a few years to figure out what you're doing and realize that the stress of our job is nothing to jump off a building about - it's just part of the profession, and you have to leave work everyday with the right perspective.
Unlike the statistical norm, I usually like my job.
There are even days that I love it.
For anonymity purposes, I'm not going to delve into the exact details of what I do besides saying that I consider myself on the good-guy side of the law.
In past professions, I have always been a shining star at work, the golden boy (so to speak). And at my current firm, I certainly started off that way; I took on an immense amount of responsibility for a first year associate and excelled with flying colors.
But then I was assigned the project from hell.
One thing that I should mention is that I work with very, very smart people, some of whom are even brilliant, in my opinion. The attorney who assigned me the project from hell is one of those brilliant people. In no way, shape, or form does my level of intellect even approach hers. I will call her "Smartzilla." Smartzilla is very pleasant on the service, but is a vicious trial attorney at heart.
Smartzilla assigned me the lengthy research project in June with no firm deadline - "Just work on it and complete it as soon as possible."
Well, I got slammed in June with other projects, projects with hard deadlines. Consequently, I pushed Smartzilla's project to the back burners.
Four weeks later, right before I was going to leave to see my family for the Fourth of July, Smartzilla sent me an email with a "!" asking about the project.
When I told her that I hadn't started, I got reamed and insulted.
Then, trying to finish it before I left for home, I worked several super late nights. Her response to my finished project was "this is terrible - if a summer intern did this, we wouldn't hire them." I apparently hadn't understood what she was looking for. With clarification, I set back to work, only to be insulted with every draft I submitted.
After I spent my Fourth of July holiday working on the project, she finally accepted my work.
Thrilled to be finished with the project, I went out and got drunk.
But the drinking didn't wash away the bad impression I left on Smartzilla. She now questions not only my intelligence, but also my work ethic and judgment.
It takes a lifetime to build a good reputation, and only one bad project to ruin it. However, I am committed to rising back to the top of the golden ladder. It will just take some time.
Atlanta or Bust!
I have not posted since last weekend because I've been on a whirlwind work trip interviewing potential witnesses for a trial set for March, 2009.
For the next two days (Wed, Aug 20 through Fri, Aug 22), I'll be in Atlanta, Georgia. This is my first trip here, and I have to say that I'm pumped! Unfortunately, I can't get too crazy - I have way too much work stuff to do while I'm here.
But I do plan to go out on Thursday night and hang out at my hotel bar and pool as much as possible over the next two days. I wonder how much work I can get done by the pool?
I'm staying in the W Hotel in Midtown. Any suggestions?
I am working on my "Work Drama" post tonight until I grab dinner, so hopefully I'll have a substantive post by tomorrow.
2008 Olympics
My absolute favorite sporting event to watch is the Summer Olympic games.
Unfortunately, I've never been (although I did attend the Winter Olympics in St. Lake City back in 2002).
The Olympic games are so incredibly inspiring to me - everytime I sit down on my couch and crank up the Tivo, I get chills. No, it's not the bulging muscles on the gymnasts or the lean torsos of the swimmers, although I'm certainly not complaining.
It's the heart and determination of the competitors that really gets me. Michael Phelps, for example, has trained six days a week for around six hours a day for the last four years. He eats, sleeps, and breathes swimming. Even more inspiring are the young gymnasts, many of whom left their families to move to Indianapolis (the U.S. team) or an obscure training facility (for many other countries). The lead gymnast on the Chinese women's team was turned over to the trainers at age 3 to start training for her shot at the gold.
If you watch the faces of the competitors before, during, and after their events, you'll see courage that's rare for someone so young. In a world where school-age kids idolize clowns like Britney Spears and Paris Hilton, it's good to know that some real teen heros exist out there.
There is not really a point to this post, other than to give props to all of the competitors out there, especially to the Americans, and to the Chinese, who has a solid group of athletes to recon with. Also, I wanna give huge props to "out" Austrailian diver Matthew Mitcham. Here is an article about him posted on Outsports.
Is "W" Still the President?
I love this joke:
One sunny day in 2009 an old man approached the White House from across
He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine looked at the man and said, "Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here."
The old man said, "Okay" and walked away.
The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine again told the man, "Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer president and no longer resides here."
The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.
The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying "I would like to go in and meet with President Bush."
The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, "Sir, this is the third day in a row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the president and no longer resides here. Don't you understand? "
The old man looked at the Marine and said, "Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it."
The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "See you tomorrow, sir."
The Three Month Siesta - Part I
First off, thank you to all of the readers and fellow bloggers who wrote to me over the last three months encouraging me to write and making sure I was still alive and not buried under one of the bars on Cedar Springs in Dallas.
Much has happened in these last three months, and it's hard to even decide where to start. To make this easier for you to follow, I will break this story down into three posts: (1) The Last Boyfriend, (2) the Work Project from Hell, and (3) Drinking Drama.
PART 1: The Last Boyfriend
A post or two ago, I slyly inserted the words "my boyfriend" into a story. Most readers probably skimmed over it, but a few of you guys picked up on it and demanded further information, which I refused to relay. Now is the time to tell the story, because I learned a valuable lesson from the four months that "Church Boy" and I spent together.
We met, surprisingly, at church.
I was there with Heather preparing to listen to the sermon when Church Boy came up and introduced himself. At first he thought I was straight, and that Heather was my girlfriend, but I relayed my gayness at the end of our conversation.
I knew from the moment he'd approached that he was gay. His mannerisms and clothing gave it away.
A few days later, Church Boy emailed me. He'd tracked my email address down from someone else at church, and wanted to grab dinner.
I was flattered, and said yes after only a little hesitation.
I have never dated a guy before who wouldn't be described as "masculine." While Church Boy certainly wouldn't be described as a total queen, he was without a doubt much less concerned about appearing straight or "butch" than anyone I'd ever been with. I respected him for his comfortability, and told myself that I would look past my reservations to see what kind of guy he was inside.
For our first few dates, I was skeptical, but after getting to know him, and seeing how genuine his heart was, I fell for him. His sea blue eyes captivated me, and his caring, Christian nature was refreshing and engulfing. Surprisingly, Church Boy was a phenomenal athlete, and we had fun playing basketball together in addition to doing traditional gay stuff like shopping and fixing up my poor excuse for a house.
Everything was great for a while. My friends loved him, we had great conversations and a blast whenever we hung out, and I truly cared for him.
But there was one problem. I could never get over that physical attraction hurdle.
For the first time since the days that'd I'd been with girls, I had trouble performing. Yes, sexually performing.
I didn't know what to do. With girls, I'd just break up with them when my plumbing stopped working. But with guys, I'd never, never had an issue, and it terrified me.
Now, I'm definitely not the most sexually driven guy on the Strip, and I'm no where near the sexual animal that my friend BOB is, but I love sex, and performance hasn't been a problem in the past
If any of you guys have been in this situation, even just with girls, you understand where I'm coming from. If not, just know that it's terrifying. I didn't want to tell any of my friends, and I had no idea how to handle the situation.�I didn't know where to turn.
I was sooooo embarrassed whenever Church Boy and I were in bed together and I couldn't "get it up" that I eventually looked for excuses not to mess around with him.
Then, frustrated, I tried Cialis, a prescription drug that my doctor recommended - he even gave me some free samples. Unfortunately, I ended up getting sick, and never tried it again (although I hear it works for most people).
Eventually, the lack of physical attraction from my end drove me to end the relationship. I realized in the last few weeks that it wasn't fair to him - in addition to being a wonderful person with a great heart, Church Boy was hot as hell, and he deserved a guy who could look beyond simple mannerisms and want to rip his clothes off at every moment. Apparently, I'm not to that point in my gay development yet, and I may never be.
Although the relationship was short, Church Boy and I spent a lot of time together, and we grew close. All of that, coupled with the fact that the breakup wasn't caused by someone doing something wrong, made everything that much sadder.
Church Boy has now accepted a job in another Texas city, and I will probably not see him for a while. But he is in my thoughts every once and a while, and I will hold other love interests in my life to his high standard - he was a true gem of a guy.
Through television, Hollywood, and especially the billion dollar porn industry, we are often led to feel inferior if we're not having wild, uninhibited sex on a weekly or even daily basis. But the fact of the matter is that most people don't live the lives of Sean Cody stars, and probably wouldn't like it if they did. After my experience with Church Boy, I talked to several of my close friends, both straight and gay, and every single one of them has had sexual "dysfunction" problems at one point or another, and the older ones admitted that with increasing age comes increasing issues.
Since Church Boy and I broke up two months ago, I haven't had any more problems in the bedroom, but next time I do, I won't be so scared about it. It's not something to look forward to, but it's something that happens in life. Still, sex in a relationship is important, and it's essential to have strong physical attraction to the person to make it work. I won't make that mistake again.
BOB's Sex Tip #3
This is the third blog is the series of sex tips from my sexually uninhibited friend, BOB. Please feel free to email me or to post questions in the comments section. No matter how basic, outrageous, or graphic your question may be, BOB will answer it. 
Here are two questions that BOB received over the last month:
Question #1 (from T.J.): What is your favorite sexual position?
BOB's Response: Well, there is something to be said about all sexual positions. Wink, wink. It is hard to pick a favorite. Some of my favorite sexual trysts are doggie, reverse cowgirl, seated reverse cowgirl, and anything involving a sling or a gag. Try it, I promise that you'll love it. Urban Insanity won't post photos of these positions on here, so you'll have to look on Google.
Question #2 (from anonymous): Where can I find crazy shit at bars or clubs in Dallas? Stuff like spanking? Leather and chains?
BOB's Response: My personal favorite for wild stuff is the Eagle. From your email, you will probably like it. At the Eagle, all kinds of stuff goes down, like "Pup-Out Night" (which is where crazies get on their hands and knees, put on paws, stick a tail dildo in their bare ass, and crawl around on the floor licking boots while bears pet them on their head. Then they wag their tail. 
There aren't any cute guys there like Megahottie (read Urbaninsanity's blog about Sunday Funday), but you will find lots of crazy shit. Just check their calendar of events on the website. It's a Bear Fest.
Also, although I have personally never experienced it, there's an urban Eagle legend about a chair at the bar. It's high in the air like a barstool, but has a toilet seat for a seat and a large box underneath it that can fit 1-2 people. Randoms will drop their greasy overalls or hop on there with their assless chaps while the "box boys" or one big box bear will go to town tossing whatever hangs below the seat. Barf. But some of you sickos out there might like that dirty stuff. Especially the bears that read this.
One other website you might look at is the Dallas BDSM. There are groups there like the Whippers' 
Club, Submit!, the House of Abduction - you get the picture.
Whip away boys!
While you are there with the bears, I'll be picking up the hot boys on the Strip.
For the Love of the "Scene"
Last weekend was Heather's birthday.
Heather has lots of friends, ranging from straights to gays to boys to girls, and she had events and dinners planned throughout that whole week with various groups of people. She wanted last Friday to be "gay night," however.
I am probably Heather's closest gay friend, and through me, she's met and become friends with my close friends, BOB, Otter, and Brian. Thus, I took it upon myself to set up Heather's "gay birthday night," including location, times, balloons, the cake, etc. For a location, I chose Mi Cocina in West Village, which Heather loves, and which is widely known for being the Dallas gay mecca for hot boys on Friday nights between 7:30 p.m. and 9:30 p.m. when the weather is nice. Even the elusive Megahottie can be found there on occasion.
In addition to being a "scene" for hot guys, Mi Cocina is also a party place, and large groups of bachelorette parties, birthday parties, and other celebrating groups can be found there whooping it up on any given night.
When I first told Otter and BOB about the location, they were thrilled, especially BOB, who thrives on scoping out and picking up good looking boys. Heather was also excited.
However, my friend Brian was less than happy. In fact, he refused to go to the party entirely, and made a promise instead to cook dinner for Heather some other time.
This wasn't the first time that Brian refused to go to "Gay" Cocina - he will not step foot in that restaurant unless under the most dire of circumstances, and I remember back to my birthday in December when Brian came to Mi Cocina and stood in a corner pouting about being there - he'd been visibly miserable throughout the entire celebration, until we all departed and drove over to the Grapevine Bar.
I asked Brian why he hated Mi Cocina so much, and here is how our conversation went:
"I just don't like that place."
"Well, why not?" I asked.
Brian's tone soured. "It's too expensive. It's not fun. I can't hear anyone talk at the table because it's too loud. Everyone is more interested in looking around than talking anyway. It sucks."
"I agree that I wouldn't want to go there every night, but don't you think it's fun to be in the middle of everything once and a while?"
"No."
"I still just don't get it. You won't even go there to celebrate Heather's birthday? She is pumped about going there," I replied, annoyed now.
"I'll grill her a hamburger next week at my house. I just don't like that place. I feel like a bad person after I've been there for more than an hour or so."
"If what you're after is an intimate dinner without seeing other people, why ever go out to eat? Why not just stay home every weekend and grill hamburgers?"
"I could handle that," he said sarcastically.
We agreed to disagree, and I hung up the phone.
Brian is most certainly correct about a few things - when our group patronizes Mi Cocina, BOB, Otter, and myself tend to get caught up in the scene, at least while we're waiting for a table. Our
conversations don't usually get much deeper than the latest gossip about who is messing around with who or who spotted Megahottie, and we're all more interested in looking around than in talking about our work week or politics. Brian is also right about the noise level in the restaurant - unless your table is one of the loud, crazy tables, it's going to be hard to hear that friend of yours sitting two chairs away.
But I disagree with Brian that dinners on the town should always be intimate settings where conversations are deep, thoughtful, and introspective. To me, dinners at restaurants can be intimate affairs or social functions. For an intimate affair, like a date, for example, I prefer to be at a subdued location where my companion and I can engage in meaningful conversations and banter, and truly enjoy each other's company and learn about each other. However, for social functions, like birthdays, bachelor parties, etc, and when I'm out with friends for whom I see 4-5 times a week and have conversations with all the time anyway, I prefer to be at restaurants that feed the festive spirit of its patrons, whether through live music, entertainment, or a lively scene. Sure, we may not discover any new deep revelations about each other at settings like this, but in my opinion, we have the rest of the week to do that . . . and Friday nights are for letting loose and enjoying what the nightlife has to offer.
Then again, maybe I've been in Dallas long enough to fall into the pretentious scene that some gays don't like. Maybe I've grown to love the "scene" so much that I've lost sight of what a fun Friday night should be.
I don't know the answer to this right now, and it's something that I need to think about further.
But I do know that our group, albeit without Brian, had an awesome time last Friday - we gave Heather a stripper pole as a present, as we all feel that Heather has a deep down desire to be an exotic dancer, or perhaps was one in a past life. My boyfriend brought her a huge cookie cake, which we handed out to three different tables after we'd eaten enough. We had a dozen balloons, which we gave out to little kids throughout the night.
Most importantly, we had a great time, despite the fact that we didn't engage in the intimate conversation that could've taken place if we'd gone to a more low-key restaurant.
Internet Gay Dating
At least once a week, I get a question from a reader regarding gay dating through the web, and what my opinion is on different gay-friendly dating sites.
Let me first disclose that I am by no means an expert in the field of gay Internet dating. My experience in this area does not come from previous study or from a masters degree in the field of sociology, but instead, from trial and error and from lots and lots and LOTS of mistakes. When I first started dating guys, I was completely in the closet, so my only outlet to meet guys was on the Internet, which had thankfully just gained wide-spread popularity back in those days.
The Internet is still a viable place to meet gay men, especially if you live in a small town and don't have the benefit of a city with a vibrant night life.
Here are my opinions on some of the popular dating sites out there -
1. www.gay.com - possibly the most widely-used gay site for chatting. You'll find everything on here from closeted boys to full out transvestite drag queens. It's somewhat overwhelming when you first login to gay.com, but after a couple of months, you will see that it's the same old folks on here day after day. This website is most useful if you're in a rural area, as you can login to a chat room for your region. If I had to grade it, I'd give it a B+ for variety and sheer masses of people, a C for sexual hookup, but only a C+ grade for quality and potential for a relationship.
2. www.connexion.org - a clean site that is sorta like Face Book. Not really the best chatting site, and not all that widely-used, but there are good quality guys on here if you're willing to invest the time, especially if you're located in Colorado, NYC, or Los Angeles. Grading, it gets a D for quantity of users, a Fail for sexual hookups, but a B+ for quality and relationship potential. I should mention that back when I used this site, I found two boyfriends on here.
3. www.manhunt.net - sheer dirty hookups. My friend BOB loves this site, as there are lots of boys, some hot, some not, just looking for dirty, uninhibited man sex. You'll find everything from bears to twinks to group sex to hotel-room orgies on here. I'll give it a C for quantity of users, an A for sexual hookups, and a Fail for relationship potential.
4. Craig's List - this site is a classified ad service with no posting fee. Back in the days before the Internet, it was my understanding that discreet guys would post ads in newspapers. That died down significantly in the last few years. But now, Craig's List has reinvigorated this form of hookup, and boy is the variety out there. I think that this site surpasses Manhunt in strange fetishes. It gets a B for quantity of users, an A for sexual hookups, and a D for relationship potential.
5. www.match.com - Match.com, which is actually based in Dallas, is a dating service that was originally designed for straights. In the last few years, however, it has branched out and aggressively promoted its services to gay men. It's a clean, decent site, with potentially good results, especially if you're willing to meet guys in other cities. It gets a B for quantity, a Fail for sexual hookups, and a B+ for potential relationships.
6. Big Muscle - a website for guys (not always muscular ones) to show off their bodies or to just get dates or sex. If you ever read the blog about the game warden I dated, which was a disastrous relationship -- I met him on this site. C for quantity, C for sexual hookups, and C- for potential relationships.
7. Myspace.com and Facebook - good, normally clean sites for dating. It can be frustrating to get to know someone through these sites, as many users allow only friends to see their personal information. These sites are perhaps most useful to track someone down after you've met them previously in person. A for quantity, Fail for sexual hookups, and B for potential relationships.
Now that I've lived in Dallas for a year and a half now, I can tell you that the best way to meet people is face-to-face, and through friends. However, the Internet is still a powerful force in the dating world, and I can't knock it at all, as I've found love on here in the past. Happy hunting!
Crazy picture
One of my friends in Charleston, S.C. sent me this wild photo and politically incorrect joke:
Q: HOW DO YOU SPOT A GAY TERRORIST?
Just look for this guy, the notorious Obama Bin Shoppin'
Top 10 Sexiest Male Athletes
I've been on a professional athlete blogging binge for the last week, and I thought that before I close this series and focus on more pertinent topics, I'd reveal my own personal top 10 list of the Sexiest Male Athletes:
#10 - Brady Quinn - Plays football for the Cleveland Browns. 
Formerly Quarterback for Notre Dame, and winner of the 2006 Maxwell Award for the best player in the nation. Great smile. Great body. Cocky attitude.
#9 - Michael Owen - Soccer - Captain of the Newcastle United. 
He is best known for his blistering pace, precise finishing and intriguing predatory instincts around goal. Plus, he's hot as hell.
-
#8 - JJ Reddick - 
The ACC's all-time leading scorer, and a Duke University superstar. Now, JJ plays for the Orlando Magic. His sharp mind and quick smile are his best features.
# 7 John Cena - Wrestler - O.K., as a kid, I used to jack off to WWF wrestlers all the time. I can't be the only one out there who did! For good measure, at least one wrestler had to make this list. John Cena's ripped body and bad boy attitude push him to this spot.
# 6 - Jason Kidd - Mavericks superstar, leader, and all around stud. See my previous blog.
# 5 - Andy Roddick - One of the top-ranked tennis stars in the world. A true American stud. 
# 4 - Tom Brady - N.E. Patriots Quarterback, Superbowl MPV, and professional model, this guy is incredible, not to mention sexy as hell.
# 3 - Brett Favre - My favorite quarterback, recently 
retired from the Green Bay Packers. He's my token sexy redneck of this group, and has one of the most chiseled faces in pro sports.
# 2 - Jeremy Bloom - Skiing & Football - 
Wide receiver for the Pittsburgh Steelers, Olympic skier, and fashion model, this guy is quite possibly the perfect example of masculine beauty.
#1 - David Beckham - Professional Soccer. Come on, is there even a question? If you are new to this blog, then you probably don't know my obsession with this guy. True physical perfection, and from what a hear, a pretty cool guy. 
Return of the "Hot" Maverick
I want to welcome Jason Kidd back to the Dallas Mavericks! Although the Mavs have had their ups and downs this year, Kidd has the experience, talent, and leadership abilities to push our team closer to a National Title in the next couple of years. Plus, he's got a rugged, bad-boy hotness about him that is just down right sexy! 
Shad Smith Becomes First Openly Gay Mixed Martial Arts Fighter
I found this article online today, and thought I would pass it on. It's encouraging when professional and amateur athletes courageously step out of the closet and set examples to some of the younger, closeted gays who look up to them. Shad Smith, a convicted criminal, may not be a "model citizen," but he certainly has courage in and outside of the ring. Courtesy of Dylan Vox, www.connexion.org: 
Mixed martial arts has become a national phenomenon, and with the creation of the Ultimate Fighting Championships, only continues to grow in popularity. Earlier this week, competitor Shad Smith became the first openly gay fighter in the sport when he revealed his sexuality in a New York Times interview.
According to the article, Smith entered his first fight in 2000 shortly after his release from prison where he was serving time for carjacking, one of his many stints.
He joined a more underground organization called Felony Fights, which has similar rules to the way UFC began in 1993.
Smith explained that he started fighting at an early age because of he was concerned about someone discovering his sexual orientation. "I was always scared that my mom and dad would find out and wouldn't like me, and my brothers wouldn't like me," he explained to the New York Times.
"I was petrified, because I didn't want anyone to find out. And I would try to be the toughest person around. That way, no one would suspect, no one would ever say it, no one would think it."
Now at 35, Smith has had several run-ins with the law, but is learning to settle down with his boyfriend Jesse.
Of his 20 fights, Smith has won 10 with 8 losses and 2 draws. Although he most likely will never make it to the Ultimate Fighting Championship, he explained to Nation writer Paul Wachter that he has learned a lot about himself from the sport.
BOB's Sex Tip #2
This is the second email is the series of sex tips from my sexually uninhibited friend, BOB. Please feel free to email me or to post questions in the comments section. No matter how basic, outrageous, or graphic your question may be, BOB will answer it. 
Here are three questions that I received:
Question #1 (from T.T.): Hi, i'm a 17 year old who reads and loves your blogs. I have a question that I wanted to know the answer to but have no one to ask about. Since you are experienced, I hope you can answer my question. It's kind of retarded for me to ask. Well, for over two years I heard from ONE person for only once saying that if you have anal sex, the consequence would be that you'll have permanent or long-term anal leakage--then you would have to wear diapers. Uhm, yeah... That's not true right?
Question #2 (from Shy Boy):
I have a question that is slightly embarrassing to ask anyone I know. My question is what usually happens to your ass after anal sex? Does it tighten up immediately or are you loose for awhile? Does it depend on the size of your partner's penis? I'm a virgin and I'd like to know what to expect.
-
BOB's Responses: T.T., your description of "long term anal leakage" makes me want to barf.
Party now, leak later.
Who cares?
Just kidding. In my extensive experience, and through hundreds of hours of field research with over 100 subjects, I've never had an issue with anal leakage.
As for diapers, you don't have to worry about that unless you are into submissive baby play. I don't know anyone who has ever had to wear diapers. If you do a search on the Internet, you'll see crazy shit where people fist each other. As far as I know, no one has had to wear diapers for that.
Shyboy, To me, it tightens up pretty quickly. If I'm sober, after I've bottomed, typically you have to take a shit (in the bathroom, not on your partner's chest, hopefully). Something else I'd recommend is an enema before sex. You can do one of these right before sex or before you go out. It sounds gross, but it helps clean your system out.
As for whether or not you will tighten up, I don't think that the size of the penis really makes that much of a difference. Personally, I prefer anything over 8 inches (under that is inadequate), but unless someone is fisting you, I think you'll tighten up pretty quick.
Question #3 (from anonymous): What is your deal with bears? What is a wolf and an otter?
-
BOB's Response: I thought I made it clear in BOB's Sex Tip #1 -- I'm not into bears, and don't understand why they keep writing to me, or why someone would ever be attracted to one. But for you novices out there, here's the hairy breakdown:
Bear: A large, often fat, older, leather-bound puff of hair.
Cub: A smaller puff of hair, typically less gut, less hair. Cubs usually follow bears around.
Wolf: Someone who hangs out with bears, even if they aren't a bear. Runs in packs like ankle biters.
Otter: Slim, slightly muscled, usually younger version of a bear. Less hair. The one I'd sleep with.
Chicken: A twink. The writer of Urban Insanity usually dates these skinny, nelly glow stick chewing boi toys, no matter what he tells you in this blog!
Pig: Uninhibited sex manic. Anything goes, including ANYTHING in your imagination. Could be a bear, cub, wolf, otter, or anything in between. If a Pig isn't too hairy, I'm always down for sex.
Send me more questions!
Gay Marriage - Great Points
I definitely believe that gay couples should enjoy the same benefits as straight ones. While I have not yet made up my mind regarding whether we should be allowed to "marry" each other instead of simply becoming civilly unified domestic partners with the same rights and benefits (i.e. leave the religious aspect out of it), I do appreciate good arguments from both perspectives.
I found this humorous and educating post about gay marriage on a myspace page.
Why gay marriage is wrong!!!
1) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.
2) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.
3) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.
4) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.
5) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Brittany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.
6) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.
7) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.
8) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.
9) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.
10) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.
Easter in the Park - Dallas, Texas
Dallas' 23rd annual Easter in the Park celebration is THIS Sunday, March 23 from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. 
Easter in the Park is one of the largest annual outdoor events in Dallas, attracting thousands of attendees to celebrate the holiday with food, fun, and live music. The Turtle Creek Association and the Dallas Symphony Orchestra organize this every year, and patrons are invited to come out and picnic on the grounds of Lee Park. A map to the park is below - HERE is a link that will allow you to print directions.
The majority of patrons to Easter in the Park are the gay community -- trust me, if you come out to this celebration, you'll see all kinds of crazy things, mainly Easter bonnets, jello shots in plastic eggs, and decked out dogs.
The day’s festivities include a Pooch Parade (starting at 1 p.m.) and a performance by the Dallas Symphony Orchestra (at 3 p.m.).
The party will finish at the strip (Cedar Springs), where crazy gays will be awarded prizes for the Best Bonnet. If the weather holds out, I'll be out there with BOB, Heather, and the gang looking for great stories for the blog.
If you are in Dallas this weekend, and the weather is nice, I encourage you to attend. This is one of my favorite weekends of the year in Dallas.
Coming Out: The High School Best Friend
Val, my best friend from high school, didn't start out as my best friend. 
Back in my sophomore year of H.S., she actually started out as my best friend's girlfriend. Over time, my buddy, who was really just a rich, arrogant a-hole, treated her worse and worse, and eventually, she dumped his ass.
I stopped hanging out with my old buddy sometime during our senior year, and by the time we left for separate colleges, we didn't speak at all.
Val and I, however, kept in touch.
In fact, many years have passed since my high school days, and Val is one of the only people I've remained in touch with from that period of my life.
We went to separate colleges over six hours away from each other. With the newness and consumptiveness of college, it was difficult to keep in touch with each other, but each year during Christmas, Val and I would meet up back in our tiny hometown.
Even after I moved to Texas to pursue my career, Val and I continued to see each other over the holidays.
A few years ago, Val got married. Her husband is a handsome, fun, and charming guy. I was in their wedding.
Then, just a year ago, Val had a baby.
Val had always joked with me about how I was a player who had commitment problems, and that I'd never settle down.
I can understand why she felt that way - in all the years that Val had known me, I had never had a girlfriend for very long, and I was often vague when providing telephonic and yearly face-to-face updates about my relationships.
With such a physical distance between us, it was easy to keep up the charade, just like it's been easy to do so with my folks.
This last Christmas, however, I decided that it was time to tell Val the truth.
In the past, we'd always met up for a couple drinks (and sometimes, dinner) at the local Applebee's, which is one of the few places that serves alcohol in my small town.
This last year was no exception.
I picked Val up at her parents' house, played with her baby girl for a few minutes, and then drove my long-time friend over to our signature restaurant.
On the drive down that dark country road between the barren, snow covered fields and sporadic ranch homes and trailers, I had that knotty feeling in my stomach, the same feeling I always seem to get when I'm about to "out myself" to someone.
I've come out to a dozen friends now, so I'm not terrified like I once was. But still, coming out isn't a completely stress-free thing to do.
Throughout the entire drive, I controlled the conversation - we discussed Val's job, her husband, her new baby. Then, when we sat down at Applebee's, I told her about my law practice, my parents, and my newly-bought house.
Then, suddenly and completely out of the blue, Val asked me a question:
"Are you dating anyone?"
My heart began racing. This was it. This was my spoon fed introduction into that moment I'd been waiting for.
"No, I'm not," I replied simply.
Then she asked me something that caught me completely off guard, a question I would've never expected from her.
"Are you gay?"
Whoa! Did she really just ask me that? I almost fell off of the bar stool.
I hesitated for only a second, despite the intense pounding in my chest and slight twitching of my hands. "Yeah, actually, I am."
"Cool."
"Well, how long have you known?"
"Um, I've suspected for a couple years now, but wasn't for sure. I knew it was either that you had commitment problems or that you were gay."
"No shit? Why didn't you ask me before?"
"I don't know. It's just not a big deal, I guess."
"Wow, that was . . . easy."
We spent the next hour talking through everything, all of my dodges and lies from the last few years, my ex-boyfriends, my attempts at dating girls, her predictions on how my folks will take it, etc. Val was awesome about everything, and completely supportive.
I've come out to several friends, and I have to say that this particular coming out experience was by far the easiest.
Perhaps it was because Val took the initiative.
Regardless, now there is one more important person in my life who knows the truth about me.
This is a relief.
BOB's Sex Tip #1
Quite often, readers send me questions.
Many of these questions are sexual in nature. While I'm not an angel, I do not feel nearly as qualified to answer questions about sex as my friend BOB is. Thus, I am starting up a series of blogs entitled "BOB's Sex Tips," where readers can send any question, no matter how basic, outrageous, or graphic, and BOB will answer it.
Here are two questions that have been in the inbox for a while now:
QUESTION from an 18 year old reader in Alabama:
I read your blog a lot. I don't know who to ask this to, will you help me? I'm young and don't have any sexual experience, but want to have sex with my boy friend and bottom for him. We tried before and it was too painful. How can I get over the pain?
BOB's answer: Ass play is one of my favorite things.
First, I'd loosen myself up with a couple drinks, not that I'm condoning alcohol to an underage twink bottom, but it helps.
Everyone has their own things, so for you, it might be something different than it is for me. I like for my trick to lay on his back and I sit on top of him and slowly ease it in. This allows you to take as much of his meat as you can handle in the time that you want to take it. Having control can be a turn on, even for a big old bottom.
The key to being pain free is the use of good lube. With so many products on the market, and with my extensive research, I have found that Boy Butter gets the job done better than any other lube.
Good luck with your experimentation. Remember that if it doesn't go well, half the fun is exploring new avenues.
QUESTION 2 from a random bear in Michigan, that I received months ago (sorry!):
BOB sounds hot. How can I meet him?
BOB's answer: Well, Grizzly, BOB is a hot commodity here in the Lone Star State. Being that I'm not a bear, it would never be an option to head as far north as Michigan. Don't get me wrong, I do like "BARE" backing, but that is much different than hugging a pillow of hair. So, unless you slim down and get some waxing done on your body, you should stick to the cubs.
American Idol Obsession
I have to admit that I'm obsessed with this addictive show. 
It's sad that I've let the Fox Network lure me in year after year, but alas, I'm back again. I can't help it.
This year, from the girls, I absolutely love Brooke White - she is classy, cute, completely genuine, and is a great throwback singer to the days of Carly Simon. She's so unique to this 
competition, and I'd love to see her stay around until the end.
I'm having a harder time with the guys. I like two them.
How can anyone not love David Archuleta, the incredibly cute 17-year-old kid who, last week, gave one of the most amazing vocal performances that Idol has ever had? He's awesome, and is way beyond his years in singing abilities. My roommate and friend, BOB, is completely enamored with Archuleta.
My favorite vocal performance so far, however, has come from Jason Castro, who, like Brooke, can play a mean guitar. The judges don't like him all that much, perhaps because he insists on using his guitar on stage or because he's not all that cute. But Jason's Jack Johnson-like vocals and excellent instrumental skills impress me, and his non-Hollywood attitude and demeanor are refreshing. 
Consequently, I'm pulling for him to win the whole competition, although I know it's probably a long shot.
Some of the other competitors are worth noting, primarily the super flamboyant Danny Norriega and David Hernandez, the male stripper turned singer. I have to give credit to www.votefortheworst.com for all of my photos of Hernandez.
BOB is Back
By far, one of the most significant happenings of my new year was the reemergence of my friend "BOB."
BOB is one of my closest friends.
He's stylish, sexy, and very fun, and at times a bit outrageous, a tad promiscuous, and totally out of control.
He is the star of some of my favorite blogs, including "Betty Cocker Birthday," where he used my 30th birthday cake as a sex toy, "Kissing and Pissing," where he accidentally pissed all over a guy but still managed to get him into bed, and "Three Men and a BOB," where he somehow juggled three guys in the same night.
About this time last year, BOB and I both got into relationships. Mine lasted only three months, but BOB's lasted almost a year.
Before his relationship, BOB had been crazy, a classic party animal that could barely be contained. But once he "settled down," he fell off the face of the earth, at least in a social sense. While I spent the last eight months dating and hitting up parties, gallery openings, festivals, and "the scene," BOB was rarely around.
Like most couples, BOB and his BF liked to double date, so they did a lot of activities with straight, married folks. When I was dating someone, I was often invited to join them as well. I think that BOB's BF, knowing how crazy BOB used to be, didn't trust BOB to be alone in social settings, so it was a rare occasion that I saw BOB outside of double-date situations.
Despite the fact that I didn't get to see my friend as often, I was happy for him and for the couple. BOB and his BF appeared to be a shining example of how a gay relationship could work. Recently, the couple decided to buy a house together. Most of our friends thought it was way too soon, as they'd only known each other for nine months when they made the offer.
BOB sold his house, and a month before the couple was to close on their new home, BOB got cold feet and told his BF that he didn't want to go through with the purchase.
The BF told him that it was a step back in the relationship, and at that point, drama ensued, there was a huge blowup, and the relationship took an abrupt and resounding halt.
A few days later, BOB moved into my extra room in the house.
When I spoke with BOB about the relationship, I found out that it wasn't quite as perfect as the picture they'd painted. I won't go into why, as BOB wouldn't appreciate that, but in the end, the break-up appears to be a very good thing.
In the last month since BOB has moved in, things have gotten crazy again. 
We spent a wild weekend at his lake house an hour south of Dallas, BOB has reclaimed his title as the king of Mi Cocina (West Village), the gay restaurant hot spot in Dallas for Friday nights, and BOB has dragged me on numerous excursions around town looking for the ever-elusive "Megahottie," the extremely hot-model-looking-hunk (albeit arrogant as hell) that I've also stalked at times over the last year.
BOB has not fully emerged as a sexual force in the gay community yet, as I think he's still getting over the breakup, but at the rate he's going, I don't think it will take long for him to return to his old ways.
*I get a lot of questions from readers, some of which are sexual in nature. BOB, who is much more of an expert in the sex department, has agreed to help me out with some of these questions. Hence, I will be introducing BOB's Sex Tips in the next couple of weeks! Watch out!
Recap & Resolutions
RECAP:
2007 was an eventful, life changing year for me. I think it's just as important to look back at these life changes and accomplishments as it is to make resolutions - that way, we know if we're just treading water in life, or if we're moving forward.
Here are some of the more significant accomplishments/changes in my life:
1. I came out to my best friend from law school and my best friend from undergrad (and his wife) and to all of my other friends, with only a handful of exceptions.
2. I started working at a new law firm, and came out at work.
3. I moved to Dallas. My best friend from undergrad and his wife also moved here.
4. I finished writing the fiction novel that I started in 2005.
5. I bought a house.
6. My grandmother (my closest grandparent) passed away in May.
7. I had two wonderful, albeit short, gay relationships.
8. I met some amazing new friends - Heather, BOB, Brian, John, and Sylvia.
9. I created Urban Insanity, the first Dallas gay blog that features short stories.
10. I joined a gay softball leauge (season starts in March 2008).
RESOLUTIONS for 2008
1. Get my finances under control - with law school debt, a new house, and an active social life, it's tough to get my debt paid off. I've got to do a better job of living on a reasonable budget.
2. Limit my drinking to 2 days a week, and consume only moderate amounts of alcohol - I party way too much.
3. Finish book number two.
4. Get involved with at least one professional and one charitable association.
5. COME OUT TO MY FAMILY.
My First Sex Idol
I can't seem to focus on work today (and haven't been able to all week) for some reason.
For the first time in months (years?), I found myself searching Google Images for the first actor I ever jacked off to.
That guy was Lorenzo Lamas, the B-action-movie actor who always seemed to end up in strange sexual encounters with willing strippers right after punching a fat biker dude's face in.
When I was 12 or 13, I'd wait until my parents went to bed, and then I'd turn on USA "Up All Night," which was hosted by the crazy, big-boobed Rhonda Shear. Inevitably, one of Lorenzo's films would be featured.
His rugged manliness, sexy smile, and "bad boy" persona had me hooked for years. In fact, I still own the "Snake Eater" series, which exhibits some of the worst acting I've ever seen . . . but lots of shirtless (and near naked) scenes with Lorenzo. 
New Years Eve Blow Off
I have several stories to share with you, and I've been horrible about blogging this/last month. I'll try to do better over the next couple weeks so that I can update you on all of the craziness of late.
First of all, my New Year started off pretty badly. 
Unlike Christmas or Halloween, New Years Eve, in my opinion, is always a let-down. Most people, myself included, usually hype it up way too much, and in the end, the celebration ultimately fails to meet expectations. In the past, I've gotten into arguments with boyfriends, gotten pawed and grabbed at by drunk gays in New Orleans, or (in my straight days) have been one of the single people hanging with a big group of couples.
My New Year's Eve celebration for 2007-08 was by far the worst.
To begin, we have to go back to my birthday, which was in December.
For my birthday, a big group of my closest friends went to Mi Cocina in West Village, a total gay scene on Friday nights. My friend John had a buddy in from out of town, who I'll call "Med Student."
I was of course cordial to Med Student and tried to make him feel welcome in our group, but I wasn't all
that interested. I was too busy catching up with my good friends and scoping out some of the hotter guys at Mi Cocina, which included the infamous Megahottie, that elusive, gorgeous guy to whom I still haven't spoken.
Eventually, however, I had one too many Mambo Taxis (lethal margaritas mixed with sangria), and Med Student drew my attention. He was shy, and I enjoyed his easy smile and laid back attitude. His clothes were loose, so it was hard to tell if he was just skinny, or if he has some lean muscle packed on his frame in the right spots. Regardless, as the night dragged on, Med Student and I began flirting.
At one point, I jokingly called him a twink, as I'd never flirted with someone so much younger (24-years-old) and smaller than me before.
The nickname stuck.
Every single one of my friends was shocked that I was interested in Med Student at all - he wasn't anything like the guys I typically date. I wasn't sure where the attraction stemmed from, and to this day, I still don't know.
Regardless, Med Student and I ended up going back to my place together that night. We messed around a little bit, and I was pleased to see that, despite his small frame, Med Student had some muscle packed in the right places.
Over the next three weeks, we talked on the phone pretty much every night. He didn't live in Dallas, but was in med school in a smaller town several hours away. He'd recently broken up with a boyfriend, and apparently the boyfriend still slept over and "cuddled" occasionally.
All of that didn't bother me, as I figured this dating scenario would go no where. However, I did want to see Med Student again, so I invited him to be my date for New Years Eve.
He agreed, and we started making plans.
I organized a big group of couples (some, in committed relationships, some, just on dates like me) to go to dinner and then dancing.
Med Student had planned to arrive on the afternoon before New Years Eve and was going to spend two nights in Dallas.
The morning that he was supposed to arrive, I was excited to see him, so I called and left a voice mail.
When 4:00 p.m. rolled around with no response, I sent him a text message.
Still no response. We had dinner plans that night at 7:00 p.m.
At 6:00 p.m., I received a text message from him stating that something came up at school, and he was so sorry, but couldn't make it to Dallas that night or on New Year's Eve.
I figured that he was joking, so I gave him another call.
No answer. Even worse, I didn't hear from him for the rest of the weekend.
So that was it.
There was no question about it.
He totally blew me off. 
I've had people back of things before, but never in my life have I been blown off, or dissed, in such a fashion. If you've never had it happen, it is a completely and utterly terrible feeling.
Luckily, I found another date for New Years, but it was kinda tough getting through the night, as I realized that I'd actually had a little crush on the twink-like Med Student.
Over the last few weeks, Med Student has sent me several text messages.
I suppose he was attempting to apologize or explain his behavior (which my friend John attributes to Med Student's ex-boyfriend).
I haven't returned any of the messages.
I'm no longer upset or even disappointed about how things turned out with Med Student, as my attraction to him faded when I witnessed the personality flaws that fueled his actions on New Years (lack of courage, lack of consideration of others, etc).
My only regret is that I once again gave New Years Eve too much hype.
The Church of Hate
A reader posted the following comment in my Heather Ledger blog entry:
The church this reader is talking about is the Westboro Baptist Church (WBC) out of Topeka, Kansas. Here is the church's Wikipedia summary. 
In a nutshell, the WBC is composed of around 50-60 members (primarily the direct and decending family members of Fred Phelps, the actual preacher/founder), and spends most of it's time and resources picketing Pride parades, professional football and baseball games, Disney-sponsored events, and, worst of all, funerals of individuals like Matthew Sheppard, fallen soldiers, and possibly Heath Ledger, according to this article.
The WBC pickets the funerals and other events to spread its message that anyone who supports homosexuality will burn in hell.
Everytime I hear about "Reverend" Fred Phelps or the WBC, my initial thought is to get angry and want to punch Phelps in the face.
Then I remind myself what a ridiculous band of people the WBC is made up of, and I focus my anger on the press for giving these idiots air and print space.
A few years ago, as I was trying to come to grips with being both gay and a Christian, I spent a lot of time listening to people tell me why homosexuality was wrong.
I ultimately came to a different conclusion - God is a God of love, not hate and bigotry (the post on that issue is here).
In my opinion, when an organization such as the WBC spends so much time and energy promoting hate, it cannot be further away from the message of God. Remember the Nazi's?
Heath Ledger
I just read that Heath Ledger passed away in his apartment today from an overdose. 
He was a talented actor, and seemed to be a decent father and all-around quality dude.
It's a shame that a drug overdose (whether it's determined to be suicide or not) claimed such a young, talented guy.
My thoughts are with his friends and family. 
My Favorite Posts
- Betty Cocker' Birthday
- Bought and Paid For
- Coming Out: The Best Friend
- Coming Out: The First Friend
- Coming Out: The Parents
- Famous in a Small Town
- Gay or Straight? Part I: The Gym Rat
- Gay With God
- Gays and Depression
- Lost and Found
- Miss Betty
- Perfection
- The Felon
- The Three Month Siesta - Part I
- When Your Job Keeps You in the Closet
Salacious Six
Blogs
- Adventures of a Gay Boy
- Boys That I Like
- Dallas Observer
- Gay Banker
- Going the Other Way
- Growing Pains of a Young Homo
- I Think I Might Be Gay
- Jay + Gay = Me
- Moving Along
- Overnight in NY
- Pride Place
- Real Euphoria
- Southern Expressions
- Speeding Motorcycle
- Synergy
- Tales of a Top Marine
- The Pretty Boys' Club
- Winds That You Rise
I was watching The Hour--a some kind of interview-talk show. George, the host gave news that a Baptist Church clearly stated that Heath Ledger "is in hell now" because, one of the reasons, he starred in Brokeback Mountain. After watching that i was agitated. i really believe that if you go to hell or not depends on your relationship with God and how you are as a person. Seriously, that BS church (or whomever stated that)frustrates me. Don't they believe that our sins are FORGIVEN? I'm confused about why they are so sure that Heath Ledger would have total damnation when they have no freakin idea of what a kind of person he was. They are utterly judgmental! Sure, Heath promoted homosexuality, but who the frik are they to decide and say who's going to hell or not? I'm sorry if this is a bad place for me to post this. I really don't know any other places to post this at. I just needed to let this out. Sorry. I just pray that Heath Ledger can rest in peace.